The heart of the Birth Revolution

 

« I believe that each of us can make a tremendous difference. Politicians and visionaries will not return us to the sacredness of life. THAT, will be done by ordinary people, who gather, neighbours and friends together and say :

remember to breath,

remember to feel,

remember to care,

remember life.

Let us do this together - for ourselves, and our children, and our children’s children….»          Gunilla Norris

As I was listening to a guided meditation early last week I came across this powerful quote from Gunilla Norris.  And it got me all fired up for the Paris Positive Birth Movement gathering that was to come later that week.   

This idea that real change comes from ordinary people, coming together, from a point of shared experience is something I have always believed in, and it is the premise of Grassroots movements such as the PBM.

But this quote was about more than that, it was a gentle nudge, a subtle whisper, reminding us that the real power from these gatherings comes from when we connect on a deepy human level, when we connect from the heart.

And THAT, I believe, is a revolutionary act.

What’s revolutionary about that?

“We underestimate the strength, positive energy and healing power we cultivate when women gather all together. Because there used to be more women's gathering for all kind of purposes back in time. Unfortunately it's not the "trend" anymore. We need each other's presence, words, energy.  I am so grateful to have found this group in Paris, and hope it will become an example to empower women.”    Marissa, mum and hypnobirthing teacher.

There is a tremendous energy in women gathering together, sharing experiences, supporting one another, listening, hearing, respecting silence, respecting the presence and needs of others... It is the power of sitting, breathing, and feeling together in one room that makes individual concerns feel bigger, and important.

And this conscious gathering, this collective caring IS a political act.  It’s about staying THIS matters, I matter, WE matter, and mostly: Our CHOICES matter.

Sometimes, that’s all it takes. This tiny little micro-revolution that can happen inside of any of us, is all that needs to happen to alter the course of someone’s life, even just a little bit.

Off the back of these gathering a woman might change her care provider, she may feel more empowered or informed to a make a different choice about a certain aspect of her birth plan, or she may simply gain confidence and conviction from listening to the positive birth experiences of other women.  They may seem tiny, but these everyday minature revolutions can change one woman’s experience. And that matters.

"J'ai vécu mon premier Positive Birth Meeting comme un moment de ressource. J'ai beaucoup apprécié l'accueil et la bienveillance des femmes présentes et la qualité de nos échanges. Nous avons abordé des sujets précis concernant le déroulement de l'accouchement tout en gardant un esprit très positif de soutien, d'optimisme et d'ouverture. Je suis repartie plus sereine et confiante, avec avec des réponses pratiques et l'envie d'explorer l'hypnonaissance. Merci encore à Jodi et Sharon de leur générosité". Eléonore M. (2nd time mum, currently 27 weeks pregnant)

And what of our hearts ?

"Thank you for creating a safe and positive space to talk about pregnancy and birth, to share information, stories and give support" Ruxandra, mum & Hypnobirthing teacher

This tone of collective caring, support & empathy IS the revolution. I believe that chosing to connect with ourselves, and each other from the heart is one of the most powerful choices we can make.

It is a pivotal first step in saying « I matter, my choices matter » and consequently being able to extend that loving presence to « YOU matter, your choices matter,» which will fundamentally lift us all.  Because then EVERYONE matters, and EVERYTHING matters.

Whenever I see any real momentum in the birth world, whenever women are really supporting one another in a way that leads to palpably positive change, it is these tender qualities of the heart that are always at it’s core. Birth icons such as Sheena Byron, Tracey Cooper and Francoise Freedman are shining examples of this from me, their work is so clearly charged from the heart that it infuses everything they do and eveyone they touch.

Writ large, the revolution starts with you.  It starts with the simple, but revoltionary act of self care & self compassion.  When we cultivate that heartspace in ourselves -  that tenderness, that receptivity - then it invariably and authentically extends to others.

Can we have a birth revolution without it ? Counterbalancing the fear bias

The danger -then - is when the negative, critical, fear bias of our brains take charge and our hearts get left behind. 

Too often I have seen birth gatherings, meetings or forums turn into critical, judgemental, in-fighting, which serves nothing and serves noone.

Even in this supportive, space of the Paris PBM last week there was a moment where the tone of the meeting turned to fear & anxiety. Luckily, it was Emilie, a beautifully receptive and conscious french Chirpractor that spoke up and brought everyone’s awareness to how this switch had completely changed the atmosphere « look how peoples behaviour, language & interactions has changed when we start feeling through fear….this is exactly what happens in hospitals. This fear is contageous »

Fear creates barriers, it creates resistance & contraction, infusing the exact opposite conditions to the open receptivity of the heart.  The good news is, they are both equally contageous…so better to focus our attention on cultiavting the heartspace -  non ???

Emilie was spot on : it is exactly what is happening in the institutionalised birth world. We forget to breath, we forget to feel, and we forget to connect.  Midwives so frequently have no time or space to come back to their hearts, in the pressure cooker of the current sytem.   

Crucially, Midwives too must start from a place of self care and self compassion before they can authentically extend this loving presence to others.  And the current climate in which most Midwives work – gloablally – are not at all fertile for cultivating the heart.  There is no space to breath, no space to feel – deeply - and less and less energy left to care.

This theme of caring for yourself is thus a wake up call and a warning call for many of us birth workers and proffessionals.  Sometimes we get so charged and animated about the bigger political picture of changing things in birth that we forget this basic fundamentally micro revoltionary act :  We forget to feel, forget to breath, forget to connect.  We lose sight of this quality of loving presence - for ourselves and others - that has the huge capacity to impact on all and everything.

The revolution starts with you ; Cultivating the heart space

This week Paris was blessed with a visit from the positive Mumming sensation Hollie de Cruz.  She was kind enough to leave me with some of her *yesmum* positive affirmation cards for mums, which I gave out during my postnatal yoga classes. These daily affirmation cards are a brilliant and simple way to remind yourself to infuse self-compassion, positivity and kindness into your busy everyday life. Thank you Hollie! I have mine out on my coffee table : )

The essence of navigating change: before, during & after birth

It is because of this conviction in the power of empathy and shared understanding that I have been focussing on cultivating heart awareness in my own practice recently, and I have been planning my prental yoga and postnatal yoga classes around this theme.

If you ask me (which you didn’t, but you’re reading my blog so I’m going to tell you anyway) this choice to reconnect with the heart is one of the most powerful choices we can make.

The qualities of self compassion and acceptance are what I believe truly support women to adapt to the everpresent emotional and physical transformations during pregnancy, birth and motherhood.

In my experience, it is meeting these changes with openness, receptivity and self compassion that allows women to make space for these potentially painful experiences.

Thus the focus of my prenatal yoga and postnatal yoga classes of late has been around the physical postures and meditations that open the chest and the heart space, reminding us to feel, and cultivate this tender receptivity of the heart.   Being kind to ouselves and kind to others.

There are tonnes of meditations which you can do to cultivate this quality of self compassion and extending this gentleness to others, such as the loving kindness meditation here 

The heart practice that I have been using a lot recently is this guided meditation from Tara Brach, which uses visualisation to sense our own goodness, and the tender qualities of our own hearts.

So often we judge and criticise ourselves to a point where this negativity bias becomes so deeply ingrained that it IS us. And it cannot help but extend to the way we treat others.

I’m super conscious of this at the moment since I have recently been going through the fatigue and general physical and emotional yakiness of early pregnancy. It took me a good few weeks of feeling completely grot and being quite critical and harsh on myself before I finally « woke up » and reconnected with this heart practice.  Thanks GOD for my meditation practice because it really helped me to a greater acceptance and compassion for the fact that my life was changing, my body was changing and  brought me back to a place of « making room for all of this».  Without it I believe I would have stayed in a place of resistance and negativity for much longer, wanting to go back to the old me that I know and where I felt comfortable, instead of approaching this new phase with openess and receptivity.

The heart of the revolution

The heart is at the core of eveything we do, and if it is not, then nothing will really change, not really.

It is this subtle but revolutionly act of each of us « remembering to feel… remember to care… » first for ourselves, and then for others, that I believe will bring about real & tranformational change in women’s experience and in the birth world at large.

I hope then that sharing this quote might share this little nudge, that little whisper, that reminds all of us to come home…come back to the heart and remember to care for ourselves and care for each other.

Fear will keep pull us all down, but the heart will lift us….

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More positive feedback from the PBM meetings:

"I feel so lucky to have found the Positive Birth Movement whilst I was pregnant. The discussions were enlightening and reassuring, helping me feel excited, not anxious, about birth. And as a bonus, I found out about wonderful prenatal yoga and birth preparation classes. 

Since giving birth, I love attending the meetings too, to share what I've learned with other women and to keep learning and talking about one of the most amazing things in the world!!" Hollie, mum of Joyce

 

"A first timer to Chez Sharon, it was inspiring to see a gathering of gorgeous girls, in varying stages surrounding the creation of life. The environment was relaxed & welcoming and the chat between us flowed naturally & was throughly engaging. I would have loved to make the meetings before, but I am happy to be able to add to them post-baby and I look forward to the next one..." Ash, mum of Lir 

"Great to be a part of positive birth movement. It was first time that I attended the meeting and it assured me that giving birth is the most natural thing and even it could be positive fearless journey."  Lenka, 38 weeks pregnant with her first Baby

"It was wonderful to finally be able to attend this meeting! Great synergy and sharing around the theme of choice in giving birth."  Tatiana, baby nurse, baby massage & prenatal yoga

SO what of the ‘failed hypnobirth?’

SO what of the ‘failed hypnobirth ?’

A while back when I first launched Doula Paris (sorry – I mean the GLOBAL PREGNANCY PHENOMENON that is now known as Doula Paris) a new mum posted a comment saying she’d had a ‘failed hypnobirth.'

I remember thinking at the time : ‘What IS a ‘failed hypnobirth?’ ‘Am I missing something?’ But mostly, what a shame that this woman thinks she has had a failed- anything- birth  (equally worrying is the language of a ‘failed homebirth’, ‘failed vaginal birth’, ‘failed VBAC’…and don’t even get me started on the term « failure to progress» in labour….).

From where I was standing hypnobirthing to me was simply a ‘tool,’ and a set of exercises that could help parents-to-be to prepare mentally for their babies birth. It didn’t really seem like you could fail at it.

I recalled that during my hypno teacher training, the hypnobirthing DON herself – big up Katherine Graves -, said something like « hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but it will benefit different couples in different ways. »

This approach made sense, as it resonated with the Brownie Guide Law of Midwifery school : « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different - and unique. »

The idea that there could be any concrete end in itself to any ilk of birth preparation (hypnobirthing or otherwise) seemed sort of unfathomable and unrealistic.  Only when you start introducing this idea of a fixed goal to ‘achieve’ do you introduce the possibility of failure.  And when we fail we suffer.

Thus, if ‘natural birth’ is the goal then anything that deviates from the natural birth benchmark could be perceived as failure.  And we all know that it just doesn't work like that with birth.  Labour and birth – by it’s very nature -  is much more fluid, ultimately unknowable, uncontronable, and unplannable… 

It seemed to me that if it was taught well, and with an open mind, every woman and couple would integrate the hypnobirthing techniques in their own way, and in a manner that had meaning for them.  In this sense, hypnobirthing has the potential to morph into a positive and empowering tool for all couples.

Fast forward a year of two and the more experience I have of teaching hypnobirthing, the more this rings true, and most importantly it is confirmed to me in the feedback I receive from parents.

Over in the Doula Paris towers (aka my living room), there’s been TONNES of positive feedback pinging into the Doula Paris inbox from parents who ‘didn’t get the natural birth they might have hoped for….but still found the hypnobirthing techniques mega useful for feeling confident and well prepared, and staying calm during labour and birth.’  And here’s the Bonus ball: many parenting newbies are also reporting back that they are using their hypnobirthing Ammo to navigate the challenges of new parenthood (and surely that is the ultimate wrestle right there?).

At the time of the failed hypnobirthing woman comment, however, I perhaps didn’t have the benefit of all this experience, SO I’m really grateful to this Mamma for her timely comment : her language and reaction to her birth experience really helped me to question and reflect on the way in which I presented & taught hypnobirthing to parents myself.

As always, I continue to learn the most from the women themselves.

Ultimately I decided I wanted to teach and present hypnobirthing in a way that NO WOMAN felt like they had failed.

Of course we all want a natural & pain free birth! Duh!!! And hypnobirthing definitely CAN increase the possibility of that happening – I have shed loads of emails from women who I’ve worked with who have experienced exactly THAT.  HOWEVER, I feel it’s equally important that we keep it real, and broaden our perspectives to include the mutiplicity of unique and personal journeys that each women travel, so that eveyone feels like a winner.

The failed Hypnobirth -  does it exist??

Looking back – in my quiet little reflections - the issue seems to me that Hypnobirthing has become too closely allied with the persuit of a ‘natural’ birth.  Hypnobirthing teachers - or anyone- promising a pain free, normal birth Ipso facto introduce the concept of failure.

And I fear that if we’re not careful, Hypnobirthing could merely become another way in which we pull the wool over women’s eyes about the reality of birth.

My ultimate goal, in the work I do, is not to try to produce some kind of normal birth Shangri-la, but to reduce the suffering that has become synonomous with birth – and being a woman ; this Garden of Eden-style suffering (albeit a more modern form!) that appears to still exist due to the nature of simply being born with ovaries.

Whilst we used to speak of women suffering merely from the raw physical ‘pain’ of birth, it now seems that we have created a whole new wave of mental suffering that comes with this failure to achieve a given type of ‘natural’ birth.

As always we need to be ever-conscious and reflective about the way we speak to women about birth. If in doing so, we risk to trick or conceil to them the fundamentally uncontrolable and unknowable nature of birth itself, then we continue to do woman a disservice.

Not least, because there is a glory and a mystery in the reality of this other-worldy aspect of birth.

We so often speak of the way in which ‘the overmedicalised system’ itself tricks women during birth but I would invite you all to interogate the way in which we could each may be adding to this illusion.

If we start waving around promises of ‘natural,’ pain-free births and presenting them as the birth Utopia, we risk to paint some kind of mono-image or norm of what a positive birth experience looks like. And the truth is that a positive birth has many different manifestations and faces.  Positive birth is more than just a birth outcome, it is a process, a continuum, a mindset, and a unique mix of each individual woman feeling supported, ‘heard’ and confident in a way that is meaningful to her, and her wider circumstances.

My suggestion is thus that we go back to day one lesson one of midwifery and hypno school and remember these all important basics « hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but in will benefit different couples in different ways. » and « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different  - and unique. »

That’s personally what I always open with.  And I am as yet to receive an emailing from anyone I have taugh hypnobirthing to saying they had a « failed hypnobirth. » 

Keep it real people : )

Nouveau cours de Yoga prénatal/ New prenatal Yoga class

*Scroll down to read this message in English*

Suite à une forte demande, j’ai ajouté un créneaux supplémantaire pour mes cours de Yoga prénatal à Paris: 

Lundi après-midi, 17:00 à 18:15.
Cité Popincourt, Paris 11ème.

Ne tardez pas trop à vous inscrire; les places se remplissent vite! Inscription par mail: parisdoula@gmail.com

Belle semaine à tous!
Jodi

**Regardez mes blogs ici pour plus d’info sur le yoga prénatal**
www.doulaparis.com/yoga-prenatal/

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Due to popular demand I've added an additional prenatal yoga class to my timetable:

Monday afternoons: 17:00 to 18:15
Cité Popincourt, Paris 11ème.

Sign up quick as places fill up quickly!
email to register: parisdoula@gmail.com
Jodi

Positive Birth Paris & Summer Updates

Last night we had the Positive Birth Movement Paris Summer Picnic at Jardin Place des Vosges in Le Marais!  I need to check with Milli (at the Positive Birth HQ) but I think this could actually qualify as THE most chic location for a Positive Birth Movement meeting ever ; )

It was a glorious summer evening and we were blessed to have 2 brand new mums, Hollie & Ash, with us, who have both had very positive birth experiences in Paris recently!  Both had very speedy and straightforward waterbirths in Paris in June, and it was so wonderful to hear their empowering birth stories!

My hope is that the PBM group will continue to be a forum where mums, and mums-to-be in Paris can come together to share their positive birth experiences! It's also a great opportunity to share information and ideas, spreading & promoting even more positivity and confidence about birth in Paris!

When I first moved to Paris I heard a lot of negativity around birth here but I really want to spread the message that birth here can be really positive and empowering - if couples prepare well and chose the right caregivers!

Another PBM meeting regular, Anna, who did a Hypnobirthing course with me and prenatal Yoga with Sharon Bales, also had a wonderful physiological birth this month too! Hopefully Anna will be at the next PBM meeting in September to share her very positive birth story as well!

Both Hollie & Ash did Hypnobirthing courses and prenatal Yoga classes with me, during their pregnancies, and they were both SO well prepared, in mind, body and spirit for their physiological births!  Well done Hollie & Ash  - you're an inspiration!!!  

Summer Updates:

Positive Birth Movement : 

There will be no Positive Birth Movement meeting in August!  The next one will be Thursday 22nd September and the theme/topic for this meeting will be "The last days of pregnancy" (celebrating this time, coping with it, issues around induction, etc)

Prenatal Yoga Classes:

My last prenatal Yoga class before summer vacation will be this Tuesday evening (30th August) at Cité Popincourt, Paris 11ème.  

Classes will resume 'à la rentrée' on Tuesday 6th September.  More info on prenatal yoga here: www.doulaparis.com/prenatal-yoga-classes/

Hypnobirthing Group Classes

My next Hypnobirthing Group Course will be on Sunday 18th & Sunday 25th September.  There is still space left for one more couple on this course (I only take a maximum of 4 couples per group)

There will be no hypnobirthing group in October, dates for November Hypnobirthing Group tbc soon.

More info on Hypnobirthing group courses here: www.doulaparis.com/group-courses/

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Wishing you all a wonderful Summer and looking forward to seeing you all in September 'à la rentrée!'!

Love Jodi  (parisdoula@gmail.com)

For more updates on events & classes in Paris as well as TONNES of other useful info on pregnancy and birth, please like my Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/DoulaParis/